GREAT CHISHILL FOOTBALL CLUB PLAYER PROFILES
GREAT CHISHILL FOOTBALL CLUB
PLAYER PROFILES 2009/10
Russell Drury
Position: Defence/Goalkeeper
Nick-name: Rusty
Lookalikes: Park Ji Sung
Most likely to say: “Three more points and we’re safe from relegation.” Least likely to say: “I love it in goal really!”
A multi-talented individual who is just as happy waving the linesman flag as he is marauding forward from his right-back position. His defensive displays have been limited in recent months after volunteering to don the goalkeeper gloves. Despite conceding 16 goals in three games, he is already being talked about as ‘the new Ian Gallagher’. Not content with all this, he also has the unenviable task of putting a positive spin on his team’s performances for the local newspaper as Chishill’s very own sports reporter.
Oli Gardiner
Position: Defence
Nickname: Player
Most likely to say: Chi’die/Nosh off
Oli had never played competitive football before he joined Chishill when he was 21. Initially playing as a striker, he often came off the bench to score, becoming Chishill’s first ‘super-sub’. In his later years, as his legs started to creak, he converted to a no-nonsense defender. Known as a true gentleman both on and off the field, he is now a respected club veteran, keen to groom many of the youngsters in the village into fine footballers. Oli holds the joint record with Nick Bramwell for the quickest time a Chishill player has completed the Great North Run.
James Bennett
Position: Defence
A summer 07 signing, James was appointed captain after Ian Gallagher’s departure.
He joined from Litlington and in his first press conference at his new club won over the Chishill Ultras, when he said “I’ve always wanted to play for a huge club, now’s my chance.” Well known for his outspoken love of The X – Factor, James Bennett has also proved himself an excellent emergency goalkeeper.
Colin Saward
Position: Defence/midfield
Nickname: Roll
Least likely to say: Anything nasty, controversial
Colin joined opted to leave long-term rivals Orwell’s sinking ship and join a team on the up – but settled on Chishill. He is quiet off the pitch, as well as on it, but is a huge presence and a very cool customer either in central defence or midfield.
Has the dubious honour of being a Spurs season-ticket holder, but has also earned huge respect among his team-mates after being voted as Players’ Player two years in a row. He is yet to score a first team goal – we hope he has got a huge celebration planned when he finally breaks his duck.
Nick Bramwell
Position: Defence
Most likely to – Slide tackle his wife on the dancefloor
Least likely to – Manage the Reserves again
Nick first joined Chishill when he was 14, and has had several spells at the club, he made a return to the Chishill line-up when manager of the new Chishill team, John Drury chatted him up in The Pheasant. He became an instant success at left-back, before spending two years developing the Reserve team into a formidable force. He is now back in the first team, making his name again as an attacking full-back, who is also capable of notching a few goals too. Nick holds the joint record with Oli Gardiner for the quickest time a Chishill player has completed the Great North Run.
Lee Smith
Position: Defence/Midfeild
A recent and welcome addition to the squad after arriving in the village from oop norf. A huge physical presence, he made his debut against Bassingbourn and has impressed with some strong midfield displays. Nobody was more happy about his arrival than Tom Hodge as it means there are now two (yes two) West Ham supporters at the club.
Elliot Drury
Position: Midfield
Lookalike: Wurzel Gummidge
Like the rest of the Drury posse, Elliot has played for the club since the age of 14. Once nicknamed Mr Quiet in a club programme, you cannot shut him up these days. His strong, powerful midfield play is often overlooked, but his unspectacular style is often the foundation for many Chishill victories. Strong in the air, and with a powerful left foot shot, he has left his wild drinking days behind him to be a family man.
Jonathan Drury
Position: Midfield/Striker
Nickname: Mr Slow
Most likely to – join a boyband
Least likely to say: “JLS – overrated”
Another one of the Drury gang who came through the youth ranks, scoring on his debut at 14 in a friendly against Cambourne. He has played in many different positions during his youth league career, before accidentally becoming a striker at Chishill, because they didn’t know where else to play him. An avid JLS fan and a bit of a dancing queen, he is already being talked of as the ‘next George Michael’ – only without the singing talent.
Peter Jackson
Position: Midfield
Nickname: Jockstrap/Jacko
Lookalikes: Jake from Scissor Sisters, Mickey Pearce, Shane McGowan, Moe Sizlak,
Most likely to say: “What time’s kick-off?”
Least likely to say: “I’ve got a new job.”
Despite living closest to the Goat Meadow, he is usually the last person to turn up before a game. However, he remains one of the team’s most skilful players, and can unlock a defence with his dazzling skills. His style of play has been compared to Chris Waddle and Maradona. He is not known to possess any evil genes at all, but does love Frank Lampard. Despite not having a job since he left University, he was somewhat bizarrely named as ‘Man of the Year’ by Financial Times, New Scientist and also Gay Window Cleaners Magazine in 2009.
Gary Radford
Position: Midfield/striker
Lookalikes: Colin Murray
Nickname: Gimp, Baton Boy
Most likely to say: “I changed the game today.”
Least likely to say: “I’ll run the line.”
Our majorette parade-loving famous Gimp boy is possibly the quickest member of the squad after coming through the youth academy. Comfortable on either the wing or up front, Radford turned down a career as a blossoming chef, even being touted as the new Gordon Ramsay (perhaps for his fondness of the F-word) to concentrate on his Chishill career. A big talent, although sometimes confused by Fred’s demands to “ask them the question Gary”. Gary still doesn’t know what ‘the question’ actually is.
Gareth Edey
Position: Striker
Lookalikes: Woody from Toy Story
Nicknames: G-Dawg
Most likely to: Score
Least likely to – Ever give up his number 10 shirt
Gareth is a deceiving character, a bit like Bananaman. During the week he is happy as an IT geek, a world away from the beautiful game. But give him a football at the weekend and he comes alive with his silky skills and sharp shooting. He briefly became a figure of hate for the Chishill Ultras, scoring AGAINST us during an ill-fated four-month spell at Bassingbourn. Following a successful kidknapping at the hands of the Ultras, he is now back at the Goat Meadow and playing as if his life depended on it. Maybe it does. Few people upset the Chishill Ultras and live to tell the tale.
Alex Porter
Position: Forward
Nickname: Ali P
Faster than a velociraptor at full speed, Ali signed on at the start of the 2007/08 and brought skill and pace to Chishill’s forward line. He left for a short spell at Royston Heath Sports but has returned to the first team forward line and hopes to shake off his injury troubles and get among the goals again.
Tom Hodge
Position: Striker
Most Likely to say: “God I’m handsome!”
Least likely to say: “My brother’s better than me”
Tom Hodge is the eldest son of two-time Formula 1 racing champion Sir Geoffrey Hodge. He scored on his debut at the age of 14, and was a strong presence in midfield and attack, before going on loan at Nottingham Forest. Whilst in Nottingham he managed to gain 11stone in weight, and remarkably lose his neck. Now competing in a strong Chishill forward line again, some supporters have labelled him the ‘white Emile Heskey.’
Luke Tyler
Position: Midfield/Australia
Lookalikes: That dude from McFly
Luke joined Chishill in 2005 and slotted into midfield straight away. After a successful season, Cambs FA decided he was just too good to stay on these shores, and forced Chishill into sending him on a long-term loan deal Down Under. He is now second only to David Beckham as England’s international football ambassador, occasionally spreading his wisdom as a pundit on Australian television. Still makes the occasional guest appearance at the Goat Meadow, it’s a wonder the Ultras haven’t made him an offer he can’t refuse…. .yet.
Dan Hicks
Position: Defence
Dan plied his trade as our official linesman while working his way through Chishill’s youth academy. Now a beast of a man, he can be seen commanding the defence in the Reserves as well as proving himself more than capable in the first team line-up. His tackles often leave opponents red-faced, although this is more likely to be caused by a reflection of his own.
A most likeable lad, if only he didn’t support Liverpool.
Jonathan Hodge
Position: Midfield/Striker
Lookalikes: Andy Roddick/Frank Lampard
Most likely to say: “That is the ultimate”
Least likely to say: “My brother’s better than me”
Jonathan is Tom’s younger, and according to many, better-looking brother. He came through Chishill’s Youth Academy at the same time as Jonathan Drury. His appearances have become sporadic due to university and work commitments. But with his new business career in London, he is expected to become a millionaire before the age of 25, and has promised to build the Goats a state-of-the-art all-seater stadium once he makes his fortune.
Lee Gilkes
Position: Midfield/Goalkeeper
Lee is now in his 74th spell with Chishill, having also given his services to Stapleford, Whittlesford and Jolly Boys. A hard tackling midfielder with an eye for goal, Lee is one of the more experienced members of the Reserves and now serves as manager and hopes to guide his team to promotion.
Matt Miller
Position: Midfield
Another youngster and best buddy of fellow Reserve team member, Dan Hicks. The sitcom The Inbetweeners is largely based on the lives of Matt and Dan. Matt has fought back well from a broken arm, even earning himself some first team appearances as well as a first team goal against Bassingbourn. He is also a mechanic at Porsche and hopes to be given license to enter them into Formula 1 in the next few years.
Connor Tidey
Position: Midfield/striker
Lokkalikes: Pavel Nedved
One of the discoveries of the decade. Sixteen year old Connor made his debut for the Reserves in the 2009/10 season and looks to have a big future ahead of him. Displaying great awareness, skills and maturity he has already turned the heads of some of the Premier League’s big clubs. It might only be a matter of time before the club decide to cash in on this youngster who is possibly a star in the making.
Adam Wright
Position: Midfield/striker
Adam made his debut in the 2009/10 season when he turned 16, after serving the club for two years as official linesman. The only player at the club to have played in the same match as his own father, when he made his debut against Wilbraham, with his dad Gary playing in goal. He even scored with his first touch. Or did he? Nobody is quite sure, not even Adam.
Rick Rogers
Position: Defence
Lookalike: Harry Hill
Officially Chishill’s oldest servant by some distance, Rick still strikes fear into his opponents with his tough tackling in the Reserves defence. Featured in one of Chishill’s ‘golden eras’ under John Whitehead in the mid 90s, and his quick wit and personality has enabled him to launch a TV career, his show ‘TV Burp’ enjoying a huge following on Saturday evenings.
Jay Wiltshire
Position: Forward/Goalkeeper
Most likely: To be constantly smiling
Jay is another plumber within the football club (as if there wasn’t enough already), and made an impressive start to the season, and came off the bench to score on his first team debut. You can always hear him coming thanks to his childishly amusing car-horns. He also enjoys the occasional game of Monopoly. There is a dark side to Jay though, as it was revealed part way through the season that he could also play in goal, and subsequently helped the Reserves to their first point in the league.
Mark Burrows
Position: Defence
Nickname: Buzz
Lookalike: Timbaland
Most likely to say (sing): “Is it going is it going is it going is it going, I don’t know what you’re looking for….”
Another excellent utility player who can play anywhere across the back four. Buzz has previously had spells at Royston Town, Royston Town Reserves, Royston Town Youth, Fowlmere, QPR and MK Dons, before deciding his future belonged to Chishill. He also has a hugely successful music career, and has performed with the likes of Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake and 50 Cent, but has so far refused to produce an official Great Chishill FC record
Jamie Dunsden
Position: Defence
Nicknames: Moobs, Gypsy
Most likely to say: “Hang on…”
Least likely to say: “My goal against Bassingbourn was a complete fluke”
Although a reliable and solid centre-back, Jamie has found it hard to secure a regular starting place, because he is also a brilliant millionaire businessman, who can therefore afford a Chelsea season ticket. The other half of the famous Gibbo/Dunsden Chishill singing duo, they hope to release their first single this Christmas, and are being hailed as the ‘new Robson and Jerome’ by many music critics. His company’s name is proudly written on Chishill’s dazzling yellow Nike shirts.
Paul Gibson
Position: Defence
Nickname: Gibbo
Most likely to say: “It used to be about the music/are you going down the ‘Cuda?”
Paul ‘Gibbo’ Gibson joined during season 2004/05, and has proved to be a useful utility player. Capable of doing a job anywhere in the back four, or a holding role in midfield, he is also an expert penalty taker. Last season saw him form the Chishill choir on the terraces, alongside his and lover, Jamie Dunsden. This season however his performances have been few and far between, as he pursues his career ripping off vulnerable first-time-buyers in the estate agency world. His ambition is to appear on BBC1’s Rogue Traders.
Andy Knight
Position: Defence
Nickname: Knighty
Most likely to: Get his baseball bat out
Another old timer in the squad, he used to have limited appearances due to running his own successful company, now that knee cappings have been banned on saturdays, he plays every week for our reserve team.
Jamie Lombari
Position: Defence/Midfield
Most likely to say: “This is a £5 note…”
Another new signing, Lombari has impressed in the early stages of his Chishill career, with some excellent performances at centre back. His chances of holding a regular place were threatened by his Saturday job at Tesco. Thankfully, he has moved onto an illustrious career as a financial advisor, and enjoys showing people his office and desk on nights out in Royston. So if you need advice on how to spend your money (take money out pocket, hand to shopkeeper etc), Jamie’s the man to speak to.
Dan Manning
Position: Defence
Nickname: Man Danning
Most likely to: Fall out with a urinal/toilet/picture frame/any non-living object
Dan broke into the reserve team at the age of 14, and had served as captain, manager and assistant manager all by the age of 22. His early years were dogged by injury and discipline problems, but although doubts about his fitness continue, he has calmed down his temperament to become the rock in central defence. The son of former Goats’ goalkeeper, Nigel “The Cat” Manning, he has also served as goalkeeper in Ian’s absence. He is known to get a little over excited if he manages to score a goal, especially if it’s the winning penalty in a shoot-out.
Mark Thompson
Position: Defence
Nickname: Tommo
Tommo grew up in Chishill and went on to play for the Reserves and First team during the 90’s, as well as serving as club secretary before departing for Stapleford at the turn of the Millennium. Now in his twighlight years, he has returned to take some of the younger Reserve players under his wing and is a vital experienced figure in Nick Bramwell’s team.
Shaun Wilson
Position: Defence/midfield
Nickname: The Hoff or Psycho
Lookalikes: Shrek
Least likely to say: “I pulled a nice bird last night”
The Hoff’ enjoys a cult following from the Chishill supporters, largely due to his versatility and aggressive, competitive attitude. A tremendous clubman, he has helped out by playing in goal, but has also notched a couple of goals coming off the bench as well. Legend has it that he can kill a man just by looking at him, but the truth is he’s just a loveable soul, who is still fighting for Jono’s love in the Gary/Shaun/Jonathan love triangle. He is also a qualified referee, and has been touted as the next Graham Poll. God help us. More recently he has developed a habit of picking up ‘big-boned’ girls on the way home from the Barracuda.
Dave Caughtry
Position: Midfield
Along with Tommo, Dave has returned to his old club to bring much needed experience to a young side. A gifted footballer, Chishill’s youngsters will do well to achieve what Dave has done at Chishill in his glory years during the 90’s.
Tom Fagg
Position: Winger
Lookalike: Mark Robbins
Being a young squad member, appearances were difficult to make last season, but has comfortably slotted into the Reserves. His lightning pace and skill, coupled with hard-work will ensure he has a big future with the club. Experts say he would be three times the speed that he is if he wasn’t restricted by a parachute effect of wearing an extra large football shirt, on his tiny frame.
Oli Fitzgerald
Position: Midfield/Winger
Nickname: Fitz
A quiet and no-nonsense player who brings flair to Chishill’s attack. Arriving at the start of 2006/07, it was not long before he was comfortably holding a place in the side. He can contribute many goals from midfield, but his more spectacular goals seem to be reserved for the Jolly Boys on Sunday. He puts this down to ‘being so hungover I don’t know what to do with the ball so I just blast it’.
Chris Wilson
Position: Midfield
Nickname: Willy
A limited performer last season due to work commitments, he is now fully committed to the Chishill cause. A dependable hard-worker who is comfortable in defence and midfield. He is still remembered for a remarkable debut that score him score twice but still end up on the losing side in a 6-5 defeat. Also has the dubious honour of being Jamie Dunsden’s cousin.
David Lindsay
Position: Midfield
Most likely to say: ‘-age’ at the end of every word.
Brought in to add depth to the squad, his height and strength could yet see him establish himself as a major target man this season. He is returning to football after a lengthy lay-off, with his prime goal ‘to get fit again’. He is also an Airsoft competitor, although his team-mates will hope he can bring some sharp-shooting to the forward line.
Chris Butler
Position: Midfield/Forward
Lookalikes: Mowgli from The Jungle Book
Chris was signed on during the 2006/07 season but did not make an appearance. This season however he has shown impressive link-up play for both the First team and Reserves, and will hopefully appear regularly on the scoresheet.
Kirk Chilton
Position: Forward
Kirk has returned to the club after initially having a successful spell with us earlier in his career. A multi-talented sportsman, he is also a key member of Chishill’s cricket club. Kirk will be hoping he can regain his scoring form that made him such a hit with the Chishill supporters during his Chishill heyday.
Clive Manning
Position: Forward
Nickname: Mannini
Clive has been a bit-part player for many years but Chishill will want to see him in action again soon as he seems to have a habit of scoring every time he plays for them. He has a dazzling array of skills, and nobody is quite sure what he is going to do with the ball next – including himself sometimes.
John Drury
Position: Manager
Nickname: The Special One
Lookalikes: Luis Phillippe Scolari
Most likely to say: “Unleash Hell!”
Least likely to say: “Let’s buy Shevchenko.”
John represented Chishill as a player during both the First and Second World Wars, going undefeated for the whole season during the glorious Championship winning year of 1972/73, before his career was cut short by two broken legs.
He has been involved in the management of the club on various levels since 2001, and his red Land Rover is almost as iconic in football as Mourinho’s coat.
If you catch him in the Pheasant he will be happy to tell you stories of his heroic efforts as a village emergency service during the bleak winter of 2009.
Fred Smith
Position: Coach
Nickname: The Machine
Most likely to say: “Fail to prepare and prepare to fail.”
Least likely to say: “This game will be easy today lads.”
A true Fulham fanatic, fitness freak, all-round Mr Motivator. Fred in his pomp served as Saffron Laundry 5-a-side team captain for 17 years, before stepping up to 11-a-side football in the twilight of his career. Has served Chishill as player, manager and now trainer. It is rumoured that Channel 4 have approached him to star in his own fly-on-the-wall documentary. Could we have a new David Brent in the making?
Ryan Redrup
Ball Boy/trainee
Ryan plays a vital role in the backroom staff, helping out as linesman and ballboy, despite still getting to grips with the offside rule and what a football actually looks like. He shows no fear in training sessions and is already one to watch for the future.